To Hell and Forward

by carolannette

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about

This is a collection of songs I wrote dating back to the early 80’s (during my angst ridden youth) all the way into this new century we find ourselves in. Technology has made it easier to self-produce…..so here I am, doing just that! It has been a wonderful journey working on these songs the last 2 years. This is my first attempt at fully orchestrating my songs. So many years I relied on the musical genius of my soul mate, husband, and life partner, Robert Lopez for that role. Though this is my first solo album of sorts, there is no way I could have pulled this off without his support, financially, emotionally, and in so many other ways. This is for you babe!

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released 24 March 2013

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about

carolannette Pomona, California

I have been writing songs and performing in various bands over the last 30 years, including The Motherfolkers, and Technopagan. The styles included Blues based rock, folk rock, singer/songwriter and most recently an experiment in electronic dance music. Influences include Pink Floyd, Tori Amos, Bjork, The Eurythmics, James Vincent Mc Morrow......and too many others to name! ... more

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Track Name: Street Lights
Street Lights

Street lights stronger than the half moon
Lighting up the heavy darkness
I can hear my voice echoing back at me
See my eyes staring deep inside me
Not even I have the privilege to know me
Looking outside someone needs to show me

Feet getting cold standing in the water
Drinking up a memory
Branches hanging low teasing me with sunlight
Too afraid to go so I’ll stay here till the moonlight
Not even I have the privilege to know me
Looking outside someone needs to show me

Everything is crystal clear
But it’s the angle I fear
Look a different way
The lines begin to fade

Hum of an engine singing in the background
Can I rise above the murmur
Bridge hanging low do I dare to cross it
Walking real slow cause I’m too afraid to rock it
Not even I have the privilege to know me
Looking outside someone needs to show me
Track Name: Waltz
Waltz

My life is a week old cartoon
This will all be a memory soon
Everything passes by
Like clouds sailing through the sky

And this cycle continues
No matter where I am
Laughing in the mirror
Find a way to understand
Life goes on
Whether or not you have a plan

In this world I’m a speck of dust
And they’ll always be room for me I trust
Like a star in the darkest night
And I‘ll fade away without a fight

And this cycle continues
No matter where I am
Laughing in the mirror
Find a way to understand
Life goes on
Whether or not you have a plan
It goes on and on and on and on and on........
Track Name: Free
Free

Don’t tell me what to do
Don’t tell me what to say
Don’t tell me what you want
I do things my own way
You tried to change my mind
You tried to tame my soul
You tried to tie me down
Stop trying to run my life

Cause all I have is me and knowing that sets me free
I don’t wanna own you
But I still wanna be with you
Cause everybody knows
That a soul’s as free
As a butterfly

A life is never free
A life can never be
A life is just a dream we have
This fact I’ve grown to see
We’re trapped inside a shell
We learn to know it well
We get so attached
It’s just a living hell
Track Name: Not Afraid
Not Afraid

I’m not afraid to walk alone
Anywhere I go I can feel at home
Life can be so easy when I’m free
Unattached things are in focus for me

I can find reality in my dreams
Life is never what it seems
I can feel the power in my mind
When I’m by myself that’s what I always find

And the picture is clear when I’m standing back
When I move into close I start to over react
But I can still give and I can still love
I get my inspiration from the stars above

Anyone can walk the path inside
Like clinging to a raft unshaken by the tide
Listen to the voice inside your head
Don’t assume the role of being led
Track Name: Love is Not Enough
Love is Not Enough

Love is not enough for me
Can’t we strive for honesty, understanding
I don’t wanna play another game
It will end up just the same
End up loosing

Love’s so demanding
I tried to love before
I’ve always searched for more

Living in your dream world all the time
Fairytales contaminate your mind, open up you eyes
Idealist can’t you see the light
You’re just wasting all your time
With your foolish lies
Track Name: Blood in the Sand
Blood in the Sand

Something happened not sure what
Woke up reeling, gashed and cut
I think it had to do with you
Reached the limit of what you put me through
There’s an aching in my gut
Dizzy from the same old rut
Moments of peace of mind are few
And your apology is overdue

Grayness settled to the earth
Fogged the mirror of my worth
I find myself believing lies
To carry on this life that I despise
You brought about my second birth
Now I see it’s just a curse
I look for answers in your eyes
All I see are alibis

For a moment it felt like the whole world was ending
Waves crashing down on me
The mountains were crumbling the skies they were falling
An explosion inside of me
Leaving a trail of blood in the sand
My heart’s still beating, in your hand

Day turned to night but the moon was shy
Distant stars were my only light
And you turned away but it wasn’t ok
Will this heart ever mend torn apart by the wind
Track Name: Rope
Rope

You’re floating on the clouds and you’re tossing on the sea
And there’s nothing I can do but watch you shiver and freeze
I’m trying to protect you from afar
But it’s a vain attempt and I’m starting to tire
You know I’m starting to tire, I’m getting so tired

I’m trying to crawl and keep my place
In this cockeyed parade we call the human race
Part of me is missing and I’m trying to cope
How can I save you when it’s me who needs a rope
I’m the one who needs a rope, somebody give me a rope

I’ll see you on the other side…..

I see you in your struggles and I wanna lend a hand
But if you pull too hard I might lose myself again
I try to be strong and I try to be tough
But the waters they’re too rough
The waters are too rough, the waters are so rough
Track Name: Doing it for Myself
Doing it for myself

Not trying to win anyone over
Not hoping to see my name in lights
Just a pressure release from this time bomb inside me
A little song and a dance to make me feel alright

Just doing it for myself……

Singing out to feel sane and escape all the madness
It’s like a massage turned inside out
If you wanna join in it might make you feel better
And if you can’t sing go on and just shout

Do it for yourself…….

How could we survive without any music
On this big ball in space only to exist, oh no!
While we’re all stuck here might as well join the party
You gotta join in the dance I have to insist

Come on and do it for yourself……..
Track Name: Being Alive
Being Alive

It’s an ancient sleep that beckons me
It’s the tears I weep that bring harmony
Cuz being alive means feeling the pain
Having the drive to remove the stain
Somewhere along the path comes joy, hearing the song from a distant shore
Seeing the light in the darkest cave, finding my sight and denying the grave

Cracks are forming on my face
Years of storms I can’t erase
But I can take it all in stride
I can even fake my pride
Memories fresh in my mind, start to mess with my sense of time
I finally know just who I am, survived the blows and I understand

Night will fall won’t close my eyes
I’ll take the call and claim my prize
The deepest cavern of my soul
A key I hide that makes me whole
It seems this dusty trail won’t end, I’m growing frail I could use a friend
Building castles out of air, no more hassles I've had my share
Track Name: I Needed
I Needed

The moon came out to play but I couldn’t stay
I needed to wander till I found the light of day
I needed the sun blinding my eyes
I needed the warmth, I needed the light
I needed to see things clearly
The dream world and the shadow taking flight

The stars put on a show but I had to go
I needed to find a place of shelter from the ice and snow
I needed to feel the coming of spring
I needed to thaw, I needed routine
I needed to end my hibernation
Time to re-create a scene

No guessing anymore
Feet planted firmly on the ground…….
Track Name: Roommates with a Porn Star
Roommates

Nobody told me it would be this way
No one explained to me the games you play
Now I find myself in disarray
I gotta lick my wounds and face the day

Running in circles in the dark of night
To many reasons lost my use for sight
Hiding in shadows sheltered from the light
Only have memories of my will to fight

I guess you could say I almost lost my mind
Begging the universe please be kind
Reading the cards and hoping for a sign
Trying to catch up with my lack of time

Now I’m roommates with a porn star
And the last tank of gas in my car
And I’m driving with my eyes closed
But I’ll get there I know
Track Name: Prisoner of War
Prisoner of War

Hours stretch before me but I’m stuck in this moment
Everything’s wide open, but my feet are nailed to the ground
Angels above me, demon below
Both are interfering with whether I should stay or go
I keep pretending that I don’t have a choice
This battles never ending and I am my own prisoner of war

My own prisoner, my own prisoner of war…….

Dawn is barely breaking I can see a ray of light
Looking to the east the shadows reach behind me to the west
I’m never up this early, it’s such a change of pace
Something in me stirs as I watch the sunrise crown the day in grace
I feel I’m drifting to a different state of mind
Will my burdens be lifted, will this be a new chapter of my life

There will come a day, there will come a day……..

When I won’t be pretending that I don’t have a choice
My burdens will be lifting and I won’t be my own prisoner of war
Track Name: Rollerskates
Rollerskates

A little flame’s been burning in me all my life
It’s about to become a raging fire
So many moments felt it might burn out
But I’m alive and I’m inspired
Years and years of doing what I had to
Feeling trapped by circumstance
I was walking on the straight line
Now I’m doing free form dance

And it feels so good, it feels so great
Like a little girl on rollerskates
Feeling awesome feeling fine
Time to claim what’s truly mine

You know I had to wait a long time
But I won’t regret the past
Cuz now I’m living in the moment
You’ve gotta grab it while it lasts
Years and years of doing what I had to
Feeling trapped by circumstance
I was walking on the straight line
Now I’m doing free form dance